Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
