I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
