shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
