I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
