We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My vagina just recognized that song.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
