she was so not down for the gang bang
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
