We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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