Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This girl is more easily done than said...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
