girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
