I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
