There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize