my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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