life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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