i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
