I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize