I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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