next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
