hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
