u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
