You were right. It hurts to walk today.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
where are my eyebrows?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
