It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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