That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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