I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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