Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
