No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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