he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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