Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
