first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
