Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
