im drinking this country out of the recession.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
