I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
