ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
