yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
