Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
