Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
