I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
