So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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