i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
