They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize