It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
