so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
