he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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