I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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