Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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