Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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