There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize