He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
