I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
