I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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