1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wish my penis had a tongue
she told me i tasted like america
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
