i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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