Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
