Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
