we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize