You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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