Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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