my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
