Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
