Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think I just sharted jello shots
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
