Michael Bay diarrhea
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
