I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
