Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
