Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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