just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
