I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize