I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
