please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
