I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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