Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
