I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
