alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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