Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
