Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
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