What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
