You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize