Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
