There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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