i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
