And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
