I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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