God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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