He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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