the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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