he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
