Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize