I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
