Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
