in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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