To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
worst night to have a conscience
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
