We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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