shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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