i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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