Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
