M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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