looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
