She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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