tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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