Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
