my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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