I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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