Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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