ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
