yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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