my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
