Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize