is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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