I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
