I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
