You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
