we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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