someone owes me an orgasm
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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