Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
