Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
