How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm at about main and main street
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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