just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize