can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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