My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
