walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
