just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
