I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
People in love make me want to vomit
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
