you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Is it because I queefed?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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