there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
