I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
