she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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