i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize