put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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