I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i've created a new STD.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
